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i found this article today which can give a little history as you walk down alberta tomorrow:
The Alberta clown house
Pepto writes
"Ok, you jerks, ya wanna hear a story from Portland? Well
I got a tale that will turn your knuckles white and curdle yer blood Like well, like curdled blood (whatever the hell that is). The Alberta clown house is situated in NE Portland. It’s the home base and breeding ground for Portland’s own internationally renowned (we’ve been to New Mexico and our videos are big in Bogotá, Columbia) clownabilly rock band, named after me, Pepto Dizmal.
We are five brothers. I’m the most beautiful, then there’s Dingo the rodeo clown, Draino the dumpster diver, Neptune the greasy hippy, and Servo the punk (he’s adopted).
We used to live in North Portland, on Mississippi Ave.(back when it was rough) A few of us engaged in vigilante justice: us vs. the jerks who sold crack and beat up prostitutes in our yard. It worked like a charm; Police do their thing, and so do normal citizens, but nothing?
NOTHING scares a thief or crack dealer more than four clowns stalking them on girls’ bikes, and throwing painted bricks at them, while laughing hysterically."
We hit the underbelly of the Mississippi neighborhood like a gaggle of frozen rubber chickens (whatever the hell that is). The crack dealers’ union almost fell apart, as their representatives lobbied the C.I.A. for more funding and better training since none of the pimps and thugs were schooled in countering vigilante clown insurgents.(Ask the folks at Mississippi pizza, we used to rumble with thugs on their front porch)
Many a would be thief stopped the police in those North Portland streets, begging to be taken to jail just to get away from a drunken, naked clown (I get sexy when I drink).
Yes, the plan worked. People were coming out of their houses; enjoying the community, and more people, told people who told people who told people, and they all began loading their bikes on their cars(hahahahahaha) and moving into the neighborhood. Pretty soon, it was so safe that we could no longer afford to live in our clown house. Rents skyrocketed with the influx of Young Urban Professionals. A coffee shop sprung up, and then a video store with no videos, just little records that don’t play on the record player.
Friends of ours who had lived and worked there 40 years got swindled out of their building, and evicted. Our slumlord noticed the coffee shop, and the presence of people who wear ties, and decided not only to raise the rent but also to evict us.
Let me tell you freaks, I haven’t seen that much drama and grief since we clowns had to battle N.V.S. (that’s a gang of disgruntled, clown-hating baseball players. Their name sounds like the word “Envious” but it really stands for “Not Very Sportsmanlike”), on the streets of Eugene.
Our new house on Alberta street is bigger, better and I hear it’s more beautiful (I’ve never been there), and I don’t think we will have to worry about getting classed out for at least six months. Fancy buildings are going up all over, and the sidewalks are cluttered with that chain-link fencing that surrounds construction of condos and high rent shopping. It’s a funny irony that I hear all the new apartments are being built with large balconies to enjoy the very street life they are driving away. The moral of the story? If you like where you live, keep it ugly. Encourage litter and gang violence. I’m just too beautiful to be in a gangfight, so when I get out of jail, I’m going home looking like crap. I told Dingo to get me an old jockstrap to wear, and I’m only eating bacon here in the joint (weird that almost none of my kennelmates dig bacon, they must be Catholic), so by the time I get out I’m gonna have the most impressive set of ingrown-hairy man boobies in town. Oh by the way, in case your wondering why I’m in jail, the rumors about me aren’t true. I hear people are saying that I went back to the old hood and dispersed hundreds of little baggies containing crumbled macadamia nuts, to encourage the crack horde to return.
But the truth is, we were biking our stuff to the new location; I hadn’t even seen the joint yet. Dingo got exited about the new digs and yelled,”YEEEEE-EEE-HAW!” A nearby agent of the office of Homeland Insecurity misheard him, and thought it was me, yelling, Jiiiiiiiiiiiiiiihad! I still haven’t been charged, or seen a lawyer, but that’s ok. I’m lucky, some people will never even get to SEE Cuba, and they give me free electricity, straight from the tap. I did notice that the Mexicans here wear rimless sombreros and talk some messed up Spanish. Gotta go, I hear a jar-head coming.
Love ya when I’m drunk,
Pepto
www.news4neighbors.net/article.pl
The Alberta clown house
Pepto writes
"Ok, you jerks, ya wanna hear a story from Portland? Well
I got a tale that will turn your knuckles white and curdle yer blood Like well, like curdled blood (whatever the hell that is). The Alberta clown house is situated in NE Portland. It’s the home base and breeding ground for Portland’s own internationally renowned (we’ve been to New Mexico and our videos are big in Bogotá, Columbia) clownabilly rock band, named after me, Pepto Dizmal.
We are five brothers. I’m the most beautiful, then there’s Dingo the rodeo clown, Draino the dumpster diver, Neptune the greasy hippy, and Servo the punk (he’s adopted).
We used to live in North Portland, on Mississippi Ave.(back when it was rough) A few of us engaged in vigilante justice: us vs. the jerks who sold crack and beat up prostitutes in our yard. It worked like a charm; Police do their thing, and so do normal citizens, but nothing?
NOTHING scares a thief or crack dealer more than four clowns stalking them on girls’ bikes, and throwing painted bricks at them, while laughing hysterically."
We hit the underbelly of the Mississippi neighborhood like a gaggle of frozen rubber chickens (whatever the hell that is). The crack dealers’ union almost fell apart, as their representatives lobbied the C.I.A. for more funding and better training since none of the pimps and thugs were schooled in countering vigilante clown insurgents.(Ask the folks at Mississippi pizza, we used to rumble with thugs on their front porch)
Many a would be thief stopped the police in those North Portland streets, begging to be taken to jail just to get away from a drunken, naked clown (I get sexy when I drink).
Yes, the plan worked. People were coming out of their houses; enjoying the community, and more people, told people who told people who told people, and they all began loading their bikes on their cars(hahahahahaha) and moving into the neighborhood. Pretty soon, it was so safe that we could no longer afford to live in our clown house. Rents skyrocketed with the influx of Young Urban Professionals. A coffee shop sprung up, and then a video store with no videos, just little records that don’t play on the record player.
Friends of ours who had lived and worked there 40 years got swindled out of their building, and evicted. Our slumlord noticed the coffee shop, and the presence of people who wear ties, and decided not only to raise the rent but also to evict us.
Let me tell you freaks, I haven’t seen that much drama and grief since we clowns had to battle N.V.S. (that’s a gang of disgruntled, clown-hating baseball players. Their name sounds like the word “Envious” but it really stands for “Not Very Sportsmanlike”), on the streets of Eugene.
Our new house on Alberta street is bigger, better and I hear it’s more beautiful (I’ve never been there), and I don’t think we will have to worry about getting classed out for at least six months. Fancy buildings are going up all over, and the sidewalks are cluttered with that chain-link fencing that surrounds construction of condos and high rent shopping. It’s a funny irony that I hear all the new apartments are being built with large balconies to enjoy the very street life they are driving away. The moral of the story? If you like where you live, keep it ugly. Encourage litter and gang violence. I’m just too beautiful to be in a gangfight, so when I get out of jail, I’m going home looking like crap. I told Dingo to get me an old jockstrap to wear, and I’m only eating bacon here in the joint (weird that almost none of my kennelmates dig bacon, they must be Catholic), so by the time I get out I’m gonna have the most impressive set of ingrown-hairy man boobies in town. Oh by the way, in case your wondering why I’m in jail, the rumors about me aren’t true. I hear people are saying that I went back to the old hood and dispersed hundreds of little baggies containing crumbled macadamia nuts, to encourage the crack horde to return.
But the truth is, we were biking our stuff to the new location; I hadn’t even seen the joint yet. Dingo got exited about the new digs and yelled,”YEEEEE-EEE-HAW!” A nearby agent of the office of Homeland Insecurity misheard him, and thought it was me, yelling, Jiiiiiiiiiiiiiiihad! I still haven’t been charged, or seen a lawyer, but that’s ok. I’m lucky, some people will never even get to SEE Cuba, and they give me free electricity, straight from the tap. I did notice that the Mexicans here wear rimless sombreros and talk some messed up Spanish. Gotta go, I hear a jar-head coming.
Love ya when I’m drunk,
Pepto
www.news4neighbors.net/article.pl
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Re: The Alberta clown house
Thu, June 30, 2005 - 9:14 AMthis is f'ing hysterical...
there will be mud-wrestling at the clown house tonight. -
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Re: The Alberta clown house
Thu, June 30, 2005 - 2:01 PMand tall bike jousting! -
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Re: The Alberta clown house
Fri, July 29, 2005 - 5:01 PMI attest to the mud wrestling. I officially lost my mud wrestling virginity (my scraped up knees and sore back are my proof). It was definately a experience to remember.
Loved it despite the muddy eye-boogers I woke up with...
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Re: The Alberta clown house
Sun, August 7, 2005 - 1:03 PM*phew*
Alberta street is NOT YET OVER!
The clowns lost their lease, as was the news last week... i was ready to say 'okay that's it, bye Alberta!'
but...
now there's a sign outside the house - and the clowns get to stay...
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Re: The Alberta clown house
Sun, August 7, 2005 - 1:18 PMa pics of a few clown bikes(kinda blurry)
23b.org/gallery/Last-Thursday-04-05/aba
long like the clown posse
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Re: The Alberta clown house
Sat, October 29, 2005 - 3:16 PMfrom the mercury:
The Gears of a Clown
A Sad Face of Gentrification?
BY RICH MACKIN
Local bike activists and bloggers were in a bit of an uproar last week. The spark? Rumors that the city wanted to further sanitize a neighborhood already deep into the latter stages of gentrification. Specifically, city inspectors were demanding a cleanup of the well-known and widely beloved "Clown House" on NE Alberta.
For nearly two years, the Clown House has served as a free store, performance space, and home for a fluctuating number of, well, clowns. Part commune, part traveling circus, the house is the embodiment of those yellow "Keep Portland Weird" bumper stickers. But while that sentiment may remain plastered on vehicles around town, the reality of the city's uniqueness has ebbed in recent years as outpost neighborhoods like Alberta and Mississippi have turned into quaint shopping centers and Martha Stewart-ized bungalows. Sadly, it seems like the "Clown House" is now threatened as part of that trend.
The main clowns in the house are a couple calling themselves "Dingo Dizmal" and "Caffeine Jones," who are expecting a baby early next year. The house economy comes from assorted part-time jobs, the creation of "Dawg Snax" sold in local stores, and selling bikes made from used parts.
But reprising the notion that one man's treasured bicycle is another's idea of garbage, the sprawling bike workshop recently drew complaints to the house's landlord from the city. At times, explained Dingo and Caffeine, the Clown House's lawn is littered with unsolicited donations of "dead" bikes and "strange contraptions that no one else wants." Apparently, this clutter drew an anonymous complaint about the house.
"Any time a complaint is filed, the city is required to look into it," said Jesse Beason, Policy Advisor in Comissioner Sam Adam's office. Beason noted that complaints are made with a cover of confidentiality. "I'm not that happy about it," Beason told the Mercury. "You'd think people could just talk to their neighbors." (Indeed, even a neighbor too shy to approach a house full of clowns would have a means; a sign in the front yard states, "Donate, Share Photos, or Complain to dawgsnax@fastmail.fm.")
But Dingo has his suspicions that the complaints are not simply from some disgruntled resident.
"I don't think this is really a neighbor, in terms of someone who lives nearby," he lamented. "I think it's someone who wants this property." He added, "Across the street, [developers] asked to buy the house, and when [the owner] wouldn't sell, she got a complaint that her bushes were too high. Complaints can lead to fines so you'll be motivated to sell."
Caffeine echoes those concerns: "There is a trend we are seeing where it's clear that someone wants to buy property, and if they can't, they attempt to frustrate the tenant to the point they can leverage them out."
And, the clowns should know: A former incarnation of their commune was forced out of the Mississippi area.
Dingo and Caffeine hope to hold off this recent round of complaints. But, given the complaint's vague wording, the clowns can only guess about what exactly needs to be done. They have already purged "the bone yard," a collection of bike frames and other parts. But without a specific list of violations, the clowns worry they will be fined no matter what, noting that they have already lost considerable resources.
"Every time we clean up our yard, we get a bunch of bikes stolen!" Caffeine laughs, surprisingly amused, "You clean it up, so all that's left are the good bikes, so people know what to take!"
The official inspection will be the day after this month's Last Thursday (October 27), which causes unique problems for the Clown House. Usually, the Clown House pulls out the stops for Last Thursday and receives a healthy dose of donations. This month, the clowns have decided to forego any sort of performance, in order to keep the yard clean.
Yet, despite the pending complaints and economic pinch, the clowns remain optimistic. Noting a history of encounters with government officials that has been less than favorable, Caffeine reflects, "This time around, [city officials] have been very nice to us, very understanding. I am so happy about that."
www.portlandmercury.com/portland/Content
from the wweek:
The Clown House, a home at Northeast 25th Avenue and Alberta Street that does extra duty as a popular performance space, bicycle repair shop and dog-snack emporium, will shut down temporarily. That decision by proprietors Dingo and Caffeine Jones comes after complaints spurred a visit Monday from a city inspector who found code violations. The couple promises to clear out the overgrown blackberry bushes, circular stage and jumble of bike parts—some of which are used to build tall bikes that sway a couple of yards in the air. And they hope to reach an agreement with the city to keep their beloved, and cluttered, business/home in operation.
www.wweek.com/story.php
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Re: The Alberta clown house
Sat, October 29, 2005 - 3:49 PMinteresting.......
I'm confused - how can you receive/get a complaint....the city issues a complaint - but the actual complaint isn't clear? -
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Re: The Alberta clown house
Tue, November 1, 2005 - 9:06 AMCause the city doesn't like 'dirty freaks'... at least I'm sure the mayor doesn't. So, they are trying to drive them off - to make room for something that brings in revenue for the city or something most likely. It's totally F'ed up and ppl (the ppl in charge) need to hear about how we feel about what they're doing.
Office of Mayor Tom Potter
1221 SW 4th Avenue, Suite 340
Portland, Oregon 97204
Phone: 503-823-4120
Fax: 503-823-3588
Mayor's 24-Hour Opinion Line: 503-823-4127
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Re: The Alberta clown house
Fri, August 31, 2007 - 9:05 AMI love you guys!!!! Thanks for making your last last thursday VERY memorable with NAKED tall bike jousting. I don't think I've ever seen anything so beautiful. In fact, i'm shedding a very tiny tear right now. Long live the clowns!!!!